If you take Granny out to dinner you had better make sure it’s somewhere she likes as you can rest assured she will tell you, and everyone else, if she doesn’t.
After dining at a very nice restaurant everyone was swapping pleasantries and Granny seemed happy enough. She had munched her way through the main course and ordered cheese and biscuits for dessert. It seemed we had made it through the evening without any problems. Result.
When the executive chef came by to check that we had enjoyed our meal we all smiled and politely told him how lovely it had been and that we had all enjoyed ourselves… and then Granny spoke.
Gran: Hey sir, get o’er here
The chef who fortunately knew Gran gulped as he walked round the table
Gran: Ya kenn what son, the main course was lovely
The chef sighed, looking relieved
Gran: Hey sir, dunnae think you’re getting away wee it that easy…
Chef: What was wrong with the meal?
Gran: Your cheese is smelly and nobody likes it
The chef scanned the table as we all tried to hide under it
Gran: gets eye contact with everyone around the table as she instructs us to: Put your hand up if ya didnae like the cheese
All try to ignore the question
Gran: PUT YOUR HAND UP IF YA DIDNAE LIKE THE CHEESE
One by one hands are raised as every adult around the table resembles a scolded child
Gran: triumphantly See son, there’s six o’ us here and only wan liked it, that’s no good odds son. How can ya argue wee that?
Gran sent the chef scuttling back to the kitchen to check on his smelly cheese and then she asked for the entertainment manager to be sent to the table. As he arrived she politely expressed her concern that none of the guests at the other tables seemed to be enjoying themselves… What she actually said was, “Son, sort this shite oot, it’s dying on its ass in here”.
The most amazing thing about Granny is that it doesn’t matter what she says or whom she says it to everyone loves her regardless. In fact, mostly she is absolutely spot on with her commentary… She just can’t be bothered to sugar coat the way she tells it!