Granny, I’ve got your back


I sincerely promise (with a cherry on top) that I will never tell anyone EVER again that you stole a pencil. I will never, EVER mention the fact that you snuck it into your bag at the pub quiz because, “it would be great for your Suduko puzzles.”  If anyone asks why the pencil is missing I will simply say it must have fallen on the floor and rolled away.

When the Police come looking for the pencil stealer I will say that you have always been honest and trustworthy and that you would NEVER, EVER steal anything. If they show me scribbles in the Suduko book as evidence I’ll deny that it’s your handwriting. If they put me under a spotlight I’ll stay focused and deny, deny, deny. However, if they attach me to a lie detector I can’t guarantee I won’t crumble.


If it gets really serious and they show me CCTV evidence I will tell them that you were drunk and out of your mind.  Maybe I’ll pull the ‘old lady and a little senile’ card as that seemed to work for you when you accidently returned through the ‘something to declare’ line at the airport. Maybe I’ll just tell them that Aunty made you do it, I think we have a good chance they would believe that.

Granny, I will stand by you and I’ll cover for your moment of madness. I will NEVER, EVER let anyone call you a thief again and I will NEVER, EVER tell anyone EVER AGAIN that you stole a pencil at the pub quiz on Tuesday 09, February, 2010 at 9.37pm.

I promise Granny, I’ve got your back.

Love you.


About Politely Insulting

I'll be writing random stories about family, friends and unsuspecting peeps.
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10 Responses to Granny, I’ve got your back

  1. friko says:

    Granny is so lucky to have you, as is auntie. I hope you are not going to be subjected to water-boarding or having your teeth pulled one by one.

  2. brian miller says:

    ha. you know those pencils are worth like half a penny…and you ca do some serious time for that…the worst part is the rather roulette you play with who is in the cell with you….smiles.

  3. Akelamalu says:

    Have the police been round yet? 😉

  4. Cat says:

    I think she just borrowed it : )

  5. for a short second I thought you were talking about me…cause anyone that knows me knows I steal all pens and pencils that are not tied down, and wondered how the fuck you knew that…

  6. llcooljoe says:

    Does Granny steal the pencils from Ikea too?

  7. abeerfortheshower says:

    How has granny not cracked from all of the guilt? That’s 3 long years of having that little secret tear at her soul…

  8. Your tags alone crack me up: Scottish granny, serious shit – brilliant!~

  9. Hilary says:

    This, I remember.. and I’m glad to see you’re still keeping that promise. 😉

  10. says:

    I love how I know you will keep your promises. xo

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