It started well, really it did. Annie and I arrived to find Sue, Jane and Claire ordering their first drinks, Di and Sheila joined a short while later. The first drink was sipped slowly and at one point the waiter asked if they wanted their second round and they all replied in unison, “We’re okay for now, thanks.” That was the last time the waiter would hear those words.
At this point I should make you aware that the tapas menu at the local restaurant includes six free cocktails. Of course the girls could have ordered the non-alcoholic menu but according to Sheila cocktails are, “healthy as they include fruit and are part of your five a day”. So the healthy alcoholic menu was preferred over the ‘rubbish’ water and soft drink menu. From then on it went downhill.
Food soon became a secondary concern as more time was spent perusing the cocktail menu. Annie and Sheila read the menu back to front and front to back more than ten times but it didn’t stop the blank stares every time a cocktail was brought to the table as they tried to decide who had ordered it. The one that they chose from the menu was always the one including the most fruit (healthy option), the one they eventually snatched from the waiter was the one with the prettiest colour.
Jane, Di and I stopped drinking early, which meant the other girls were able to have our cocktail allowance. In hindsight maybe we should have carried on and got a taxi home, although I fear that if we had changed our minds Annie, Sheila, Claire or all of the above may have stabbed us.
When the sensible side of the table stopped believing Annie and Sheila were only taking cocktails for the fruit selection they tried to convince us all that they were healthy in more ways than one. Their very dodgy argument included the fact that some of them were filled with ice and they took a lot of stirring which in turn helped their muscle growth. They soon realised that the extra ice may be watering down their drinks so those healthy options were not ordered again.
Jane: Ooooo what’s that?
Claire: It’s water
Jane: Well we won’t be getting that again
Sheila: Do they keep track of how many cocktails we have had?
Sheila: Oh good, I’ll just keep drinking then – I’ve never been very good at keeping count, that’s how I ended up with two kids
Realising they hadn’t eaten for a while the girls ordered dessert… Soon after the table was filled with lovely desserts and a fish!
Sheila: I didn’t realise you were having dessert
Di: You were here when we ordered
Sheila: Yes I know, but by then I was confident with my fish order and I felt I should just go ahead with it
The girls munched away on their chocolate delights and Sheila ate her plate of battered fish!
Sue had decided to stop at five cocktails but changed her mind as she found another one she liked. Her decision was met with utter disgust by Annie and Sheila who were arguing over who would finish Sue’s allowance. Annie shouted to Sue, “Hey you, you’re only in it for the alcohol, we’re in it for the fruit.”
Another crazy day in the land of sand.