I had started worrying about the fact that Gran had not commented on my recent posts, In fact I was secretly panicking that she had hopped on a plane to come and clip my ear in person. However I spoke to her a couple of nights ago and she told me that she will have no Internet until the 7th as the Internet company are ‘”no gonna get the better of her”. I knew the story would be interesting and told in true Granny style… Don’t tell her but I recorded the conversation for this here blog. It’ll be our secret.
Wee Scottish (fireball) Granny on her Internet woes:
“I didnae kenn why but every time I went on the Internet it kept cutting aff. Those wee green lights would flash at me from that router thingy but nothing happened so I decided to call Talk Talk.
Can you believe hen I spent eighteen minutes, EIGHTEEN minutes going roond and roond on the phone and I eventually spoke tae a wee man who didnae have a bloody clue what I was going on aboot.
I explained to the eedgit a couple of times and you kenn what he said hen? He said that it was my fault and I would have to pay fifty poond for an engineer. Oh hen, can ya believe it? 50 POOND to get some wee start oot to ma hoose to fix a problem that’s no ma fault. Aye, that’ll be right. So I just told the wee shite I was leaving their company.
So then I got on tae Sky hen, I shoulda gone with them a lang time ago, I dunnae ken why I didnae but that wee eedgit had me so het up I thought, ‘right, I’ll show you’, and then I got this lovely young man who was very helpful and noo I get Sky for 20 poond less a month and I dunnae have to pay no engineer. What do ya think tae that Talk Talk?”
So far I have said nothing in reply, partly because every time I try to Granny gets louder and continues her rant over the top of me
“I kenn that I’m supposed to give Talk Talk a months notice but I decided I’m taking nowt to do with them anymore so I asked ma lovely young man at Sky tae phone them for me. I told him that I didnae want tae have another eighteen minutes of ma life wasted on a phone and the lovely wee guy said he’d do it… Noo that’s service don’t ya think hen?”
I tried to answer but she hadn’t finished
“Yesterday a stoopit lassie fae Talk Talk called me and before she could say oot I said, listen hen, before you start giving me all your crap, I’m leaving you. I said, number one, when I have a problem I cannae get through tae anyone and it costs me a fortune tae wait on a phone that no folk answers. Number two, when I get through they cannae do anything for me but want tae send an engineer oot and charge me 50 poond. You’re not on hen! YOU ARE NOT ON!”
When Granny shouts I know not to talk…
“You kenn what the lassie said next hen? She stopped me and said, ‘excuse me, can I just tell you that these calls are recorded’, I just shooted back saying, I hope they are recorded! I hope other people can hear hoo crap Talk Talk is.”
Granny starts giggling…
“Ya kenn me when ma dander’s up hen (I Googled it, apparently it means temper!). Ya kenn, with things like that ma adrenaline starts to flow and I get uptight.”
Just as I thought I could get a word in she ended the conversation by saying:
“My brain cells are still working hen, I may be old and decrepit but ma brain cells are still working.”
They sure are Granny. They sure are.