The wee Scottish fireball who cannae stand mistakes

My wee Scottish Granny subscribes to emails from this blog.  I can almost guarantee  that she will be the first to comment on posts (despite protesting that she doesn’t know how), for that reason I read and reread everything to ensure that I don’t meet her wrath.   God help me if I make a spelling mistake or commit the immortal sin of using their, they’re or there incorrectly.  I may as well just shoot myself there and then.

Granny doesn’t just keep comments for her very fabulous granddaughter, she likes to spread the love to others too…  Recently I awoke the beast.

Me:  Do you like that magazine Gran?

Gran: bursts out laughing  Are you kidding me?

Me:  Erm, no.  Why don’t you like it?  immediately regret asking the question

Gran:  Well, the second I picked up the magazine I noticed that the grammar is way oot.  Way, way, wayyyyyyy oot.  Look at the state o’ this hen (shoves mag in my face), look at the shite written by the editor, she’s put the word ‘work’ twice in the same sentence.  If the editor does that then I dunnae kenn what kinda shite is gonna be in the rest o’ this

I decide at this point that it’s best to look really busy as I fear I know how the next few hours are going to pan out

Gran:  Hen. Hen. Hennnnn, are ya busy?

Me:  No Gran

Gran:  waves magazine in my face Can ya believe in this paragraph they’ve used ‘the’ instead o’ ‘this’ AND towards the end they’ve used the same word twice AGAIN.  Argh, this is bloody ridiculous, it’s written by the editor hen, the EDITOR, can you believe this shite is written by the editor? 

Me: worrying about Gran’s rising blood pressure No Gran, it’s ridiculous

 

 

Gran:  Hen. Hen. Hennnnn, are ya busy?

Me:  No Gran

Gran:  Now hen, I would love someone to tell me what an ‘obstrucle’ is

Me:  Uh huh don’t get drawn into it, don’t get drawn into it…

Gran:  They’ve used ‘advise’ instead of ‘encourage’

Me:  Really? 

Gran:  They’ve missed ‘will’ oot

Me:  Oh

Gran:  They’ve put a capital P on parents but a small T on teacher AND they’ve written ‘parents and teachers are the two pillars to whom children can look after…’ That should be ‘look up to’.  Hoo can they say look after?  Hoo do children have tae look after their teachers and parents?  It’s the other way roond.  You see what I mean hen?

Me:  Yep Gran don’t get drawn into it, don’t get drawn into it…

Image

Gran:  Hen. Hen. Hennnnn, are ya busy?

Me:  No Gran

Gran:  Listen tae this one – ‘If greenery has to maintained think elsewhere’.  What do ya think that’s supposed tae mean?

Me:  I dunno Gran

Gran:  Aye hen but really – repeats the sentence – What the hell does it mean?  Really, what does it mean?  Hen do you kenn what that’s supposed to mean?  You probably kenn better than me, you live here and ya kenn the lingo

 

Gran:  Hen. Hen. Hennnnn, are ya busy?

Me:  No Gran

Gran:  This thing is full we errors, it dusnae make sense.  It all needs to be redone; in fact it should be stopped.  Look it says here ‘check out the below tips’, it should say ‘check out the tips below’.  And again, look here it says ‘to take care more’ instead of ‘take more care’.  What a load a shite

 

Gran:  Hen. Hen. Hennnnn, are ya busy?

Me:  No Gran

Gran:  Does the sun never go up or doon in this country?

Me:  What?  I know she’s gonna drag me into this one…

Gran:  Well does the sun never rise or set?

Me:  Whatttttt?  desperately searching for the right answer

Gran:  Well here it says that the sun is always vertical; they are saying the sun never goes up or doon.  They’re saying you never have a sunrise or sunset.  Ridiculous.  Hoo can the sun no rise or set?  Bloody ridiculous.  Utter shite

Me:  Yep, that doesn’t sound good.  I think that’s a fairly good response – not being drawn in

Gran:  shouting loudly  Not good? Hoo can the sun no rise or set?  Bloody ridiculous. They are saying you never have a sunrise or sunset. Hoo can the sun no rise or set?

Me:  Desperately trying to change the subject  Did you notice anything else?  Immediately regret the question

Gran:  Listen tae this – ‘if it continues wash your eyes with cold water’… if what continues? What are they talking aboot?  How can ya say ‘if it continues’ without explaining what ‘it’ is?

Me:  Hmmm good point Gran

 

Gran:  Hen. Hen. Hennnnn, are ya busy?

Me:  No Gran

Gran:  This bit is no very good at all, it will frighten people – ‘Glaucoma patients go through irreversible blindness’… that’s a lot o’ shite, imagine if you had glaucoma you’d shite yourself.  Hoo can they say that?  Hoo can they go aroond putting the fear o’ God in people?  That’s no fair. Imagine if you had glaucoma?  Hen, imagine if you had glaucoma?  You’d shit yourself.  That’s ridiculous.  Bloody ridiculous.  Shite

Me:  Yep

Gran:  Look here they’ve written ‘jobs’ as plural, they are talking aboot more than wan in the article and then they describe it as ‘it’.  Did these folk never go tae school?  If they did I think they left their brains behind

 

Gran:  Hen. Hen. Hennnnn, are ya busy?

Me:  No Gran

Gran:  This Valentine’s competition is written arse over elbow

Me:  What?

Gran:  They’ve done a competition where you have tae answer three questions and there’s only two.  Are they stoopit?  What a load of shite.  Bloody ridiculous.

After four hours of comments Gran finished the magazine

Gran:  What I would say as your grandmother is that I have never seen a publication filled wae so many apostrophes.  (Not sure why she felt she had to say that ‘as my grandmother’).  They’ve taken the easy way oot.  It’s just laziness, they should write the full word oot.  My final thought on the magazine is that I cannae ever read it again coz all these mistakes drive me crazy

Me:  Yep Gran, it drives me crazy too

Advertisements

About Politely Insulting

I'll be writing random stories about family, friends and unsuspecting peeps.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to The wee Scottish fireball who cannae stand mistakes

  1. Ann says:

    Looks like wee Granny could get a job proof-reading for the alleged magazine.

  2. Akelamalu says:

    Well I agree with your granny! LOL

  3. I’m with your Gran too! In terms of grammar, vocabulary and spelling, the world has gone straight to hell in a hand basket.

  4. Jinksy says:

    The older I get, the more I think I missed my vocation, too. I should have been a proof reader like my brother! LOL

  5. VEGGIE says:

    HAHAHAHA! Man, I laughed hard. People call me “hen” at work all the time. Or “pal”. I’m everyone’s pal. And I agree with her too – grammar these days is shite indeed. I blame texting (because I’m 90) THOSE PESKY KIDS. Mind you, I can text in logical, properly spelled sentences because I am talented. I stopped reading anything on the BBC’s website years ago because their grammar made me frown so hard my eyebrows were on my chin.

  6. berniewood55 says:

    Oh Granny you are precious, I happen to agree of your grammar `beef“ No more magazines Granny, you get too frustrated and our girl is too busy……lol

  7. She’d love my son – when we had TV he’d watch the infomercials and shout his objections at the screen.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s