Ladyboy Jerry aka Edward Scissorhands

It’s not often (read never) in the Middle East that a woman goes to the barber’s; of course I do.  Every time I call first so he can make sure the shop’s empty and free from men who might have a heart attack when I waltz through the door.  I sneak in as quickly as possible whilst humming the theme song for Mission Impossible (just because it makes me feel good) and with military style precision I’m dragged through the door whilst he closes the curtains and pretends the shop’s shut. I’m pretty sure nearby shop owners think he’s having an affair with someone who has a serious case of man boobs.

A friend persuaded me to try someone else so I tagged along with her.  I happily waited for her appointment to finish and was ready for mine when the hairdresser looked at me in horror and said she couldn’t do it.  After a long time being lost in translation and lots of miming (which looked like she was attempting to show me the art of shearing sheep), I realised that she had never used clippers before and my hair’s too short for scissors.

She tried to persuade me that it would be okay but after seeing her mimes I feared she may chop off my head.  Finally she asked me if I would mind going into the men’s section.  As she walked us round she quietly shouted in my ear, “do you mind having your hair cut by a gay boy?”,  I assured her that I thought it would be fine and that she need not worry!

As I walked into the men’s section I was greeted by ladyboy Jerry, I tried not to get put off by the fact that he was screaming, clapping and jumping up and down but I did find it a little strange that he was shouting, “Oh my God, I dream about cutting your hair”.

I spent the next half hour with Edward Scissorhands – he carefully, skilfully and very slowly worked his magic around my head between little squeals of excitement and checking out his own hair.

edd1

Suddenly a woman came running in to announce that the ministry had arrived for an inspection and as my friend and I were both female in the male section we had to work out a quick escape.  Jerry quickly opened a cupboard door, threw in my friend and locked it.  I stood up and asked where to run…

Jerry:  Just stay here and don’t worry, you look like a man

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About Politely Insulting

I'll be writing random stories about family, friends and unsuspecting peeps.
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26 Responses to Ladyboy Jerry aka Edward Scissorhands

  1. Anne Nash says:

    Glad your back on the blogging trail. So good to read your interesting comments. You make even the most mundane things seem great. What a great ability to have. Love XXX

  2. Shrinky says:

    Ha, great to see you’re in as good form as ever hon, I so love being a fly on the wall in your world! Yup, I’ve quit on the blogging front, can’t be arsed anymore, too lazy (shrug), but give me a shout when you post, you’re one of the few writers I do actually get a kick out of reading! x

  3. Rob says:

    You had me laughing out loud! You are a great storyteller 🙂

  4. Ha ha ha! That’s really funny. What would happen if they did find a woman in the men’s section?

  5. So funny! I laughed my socks off! It’s the way you tell ’em! Fabulous. “Don’t worry, you look like a man!!” ROFL, says he who was effeminate! LOL – and your friend locked in the cupboard. LOL. I am amazed you have managed to survive in that country!

    Reminds me of the time I was commercially painting the outside of a ladies’ hairdressers when a young hairdresser girl asked me if she could have a go with the paintbrush. I went inside the shop and announced that the young lady and I were changing jobs for that afternoon and I was attending to their hairdos! I approached a lady whilst dressed in my paint overalls and asked her if she would like me to create a new and highly original hair design and would she like me to give her a surprise. LOL. She shrieked!! LOL

    • I’m more amazed that the country has been able to survive me!

      I’d be more than happy for you to cut my hair in your dirty overalls… Looking forward to connecting blogs soon. Watch this space 🙂

      • OK! I’ll cut it but you must remember to say this when I cut it again next time, after I ask you how you would like it:

        You should say, “I’d like it natural at the back on the left side and square on the right side, a fringe at the front right and swept back on the left, sticking up at the back all spiky and layered at the top!”

        I would say, “Why?”

        You would say, “That’s the way you did it last time” ROFL

  6. Hey, Politely Insulting, do you live in the middle east, as of now? You musst be near me so.I live in India and my (Indian) husband loves the roadside barbers as he likes the simple life. My more fashion conscious kids recently announced that they will never get their hair cut on the roadside again. Can’t say I blame them. I NEVER get my hair cut. I’m like Rapunzel.

  7. That was hilariously awesome.

    “Do you mind having your hair cut by a gay boy?”

    That’s the easiest question someone could ever be asked. Even as a guy, my automatic response would always be a resounding HELL YES. If I’m getting my hair cut, it’s by a woman or a gay guy. They just seem to have the magic. If I want a mullet or my head shaved, I’ll go to a straight guy.

  8. brian miller says:

    smiles. ha. well there are benefits you know…what an interesting bit of the world you live in…i cut my own hair…i wonder if i need to designate my bathroom as a male only hair cuttery…hmmm…

  9. how the hell did you find me and where the hell have you been..did a lot of laughing here..thanks for coming by and commenting..you’re in the will.

  10. LadyCat says:

    Ha! Sounds like a very exciting haircut : )

  11. Fantastic story! The Edward Scissorhands reference is amazing!!
    I can just imagine him delicately cutting your hair while checking out his own. I love it.
    Great share! 😀

  12. berniewood55 says:

    Oh my I have missed you and your funny stories, you love living life on the edge (or in the cupboard) don’t you….<3

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