It’s not often (read never) in the Middle East that a woman goes to the barber’s; of course I do. Every time I call first so he can make sure the shop’s empty and free from men who might have a heart attack when I waltz through the door. I sneak in as quickly as possible whilst humming the theme song for Mission Impossible (just because it makes me feel good) and with military style precision I’m dragged through the door whilst he closes the curtains and pretends the shop’s shut. I’m pretty sure nearby shop owners think he’s having an affair with someone who has a serious case of man boobs.
A friend persuaded me to try someone else so I tagged along with her. I happily waited for her appointment to finish and was ready for mine when the hairdresser looked at me in horror and said she couldn’t do it. After a long time being lost in translation and lots of miming (which looked like she was attempting to show me the art of shearing sheep), I realised that she had never used clippers before and my hair’s too short for scissors.
She tried to persuade me that it would be okay but after seeing her mimes I feared she may chop off my head. Finally she asked me if I would mind going into the men’s section. As she walked us round she quietly shouted in my ear, “do you mind having your hair cut by a gay boy?”, I assured her that I thought it would be fine and that she need not worry!
As I walked into the men’s section I was greeted by ladyboy Jerry, I tried not to get put off by the fact that he was screaming, clapping and jumping up and down but I did find it a little strange that he was shouting, “Oh my God, I dream about cutting your hair”.
I spent the next half hour with Edward Scissorhands – he carefully, skilfully and very slowly worked his magic around my head between little squeals of excitement and checking out his own hair.
Suddenly a woman came running in to announce that the ministry had arrived for an inspection and as my friend and I were both female in the male section we had to work out a quick escape. Jerry quickly opened a cupboard door, threw in my friend and locked it. I stood up and asked where to run…
Jerry: Just stay here and don’t worry, you look like a man